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  • Ellen: My slipper! Stan! [groans] At least he didn't touch this one.
  • Stan: Hey, I was looking for that!
  • Ellen: What do you have against me?!


  • Stan: "Top Ten Things I Have Against Ellen." Number ten: She hates dogs. That's also reasons one through nine.


  • Ellen: This is my third slipper in a month. Why does he only eat my slippers?
  • Avery: Mom, I'm sure you're just exaggerating.
  • Ellen: Oh, really? He doesn't touch your father's slippers, and his feet, for some reason, smell naturally of ham.
  • Avery: And I'll add that to the list of disturbing things that I've learned about my parents.
  • Ellen: Well, you should knock before entering a room.
  • Avery: And you should pumice your own feet. Why do you have to do each other's?
  • Ellen: We could dance seperately too. Some things are more fun as a couple. The point is, I have had it with that dog. I am this close to babygating the whole place.
  • Avery: You really think that's a good idea?


  • Bennett: Whoa!


  • Avery: Did you ever think that Stan doesn't like you because he senses that you don't like dogs?


  • Stan: Seriously? That's like saying you don't like joy or smiles or arthritic squirrels-- so easy to catch. But dogs are loyal and loving and provide companionship. So we chew up a few slippers... or a purse. Mmm, Prada. Haven't had Italian in a while.


  • [theme song]


  • Bennett: Rebecca, I think we've made some real progress today dealing with your shyness, don't you think? [pause] Okay, we'll start over from square one next time.
  • Avery: Are you spying on Dad's patient?
  • Tyler: It's Rebecca Davis. She's one of the prettiest girls in school, but she won't give me time of day.


Hey, Rebecca, do you know what time it is?


But since she's Dad's patient, I can learn all about her and use that information to get her to like me. Like if she's afraid of heights I can approach her like this.

Avery:But what if she's afraid of incredibly ridiculos stupid walks?

Tyler:Dad will cure her. He cured that kid who thought he was a bagel.

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